Diet or Donuts – Friday Follies

Twitter has “Friday follows”. 

I like Twitter.  

Since the highest form of flattery is emulation, I’d like to make my own Friday offering.   I’m calling it Friday Follies

You know, talk about all my foil-ables… like, ummm… do I REALLY want anybody to know that I cried when I read about National Doughnut Day and realized I hadn’t eaten a doughnut in over 2 years. 

Not that I couldn’t, but since I made a commitment to really work on better health habits about 10 years ago, I started thinking differently about food.  For one, I started seeing each doughnut, as I raised it to my lips,  as having a packet of undeveloped yeast in it. 

Then, mixed with the saliva as I chewed and swallowed, it would start to work… begin to raise — or is it rise — as soon as it hit my belly. Not upward and out, like with a good belch or two, but totally horizontally around my middle,  expanding my skin in Incredible Hulk fashion –only instead of bicep swell…. belly swell. 

In my mind I created… The Donut Belly  “look.”  As I contemplated the pros and cons of giving up doughnuts, or not, I thought about that look on me, and whether, if I chose to continue eating doughnuts,  I might be able to make it into a new fashion statement. 

You know, a new fad.  And could I collaborate with some of my friends to create a line of clothes, jewelry, piercings, tattoos, to accentuate and create a completely different model,  a new… sexy… Donut Dolly. Not evenly distributed weight throughout the body, or even around the wrists or ankles or thighs… just a doughnut belly.   I even went so far as to make a few style sketches…  

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I used to love doughnuts.  Gooey, chewy, chocolaty, with chips and drips on them.  And… they loved me in returned — in absolutely equal proportion.  One doughnut.  One pound.  Two doughnuts.  Two pounds.   On a really stressful day, I was capable of exceeding my “two doughnut limit.”  And… the results were totally predictable!  Jelly donut, jelly belly. 

Doughnuts, really, really helped me discover  a secret to my metabolism.  They are one of the foods, or food groups, that come with an “alarm snoozer.”  Once eaten, the doughnut immediately shuts off my “keep moving” alarm.  It lulls my metabolism into sleep mode while it lowers resistance to fat molecule placement, so they can have  their way… right at my belly line.

Today, however, reading the news, I was reminded that National Doughnut Day was established in 1938 by the Chicago Salvation Army to raise much-needed funds during the Great Depression, and to honor the work of World War I Salvation Army volunteers who prepared doughnuts and other foods for thousands of soldiers. 

And I thought…how can I resist buying doughnuts today?   I realized… I CAN’T.  But I can give them away.  I can drop them off at the gym.  I can give them to all the people I know who don’t happen to have an Alarm Snoozer in their Metabolism department. 

And… I can pull out, and dust off, that old Donut Dolly campaign.  Donut Dolly and the Pillsbury DoughBoy.  A marriage made in the fat vat of my mind.

So… care to share a folly or two?  Something for next Friday’s follies, perhaps?

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