All Agents Assisting Other Customers — Friday Follies

At this moment, I am on the phone.  I’m currently on” hold”….I’ve been on  “hold” now for 36 minutes and 21 seconds, waiting for the “first available agent” at a government office to assist me. 

I decided that while I was waiting for the “next available agent” I may as well do something enjoyable at the same time.  Fridays are most enjoyable.  I love to write, but Friday Follies, where I’m just sharing…and laughing at myself…are special. 

And, at moments like this, when my frustration level is high, I know it’s much healthier to laugh at myself and share than it is to “vent my spleen” at the “next available agent” when and if they ever answer this call! 

In case you can’t tell already, one of my biggest pet peeves is being put on “hold” or put into que.  The repeat message loop does say that I can press “3” and leave a message.  if I weren’t so stubborn, I would…but I’d probably have to erase it…or never get a call back! 

 This is a business task I really want to talk to someone –a REAL person — about.  And, it’s not something I can find online.  So, I am stubbornly, persistently, holding…waiting…for the next available…

OK…       what I really am is impatiently… waiting…waiting…waiting.

What has happened to customer service?  I both love and lament “progress.”  The advent of call centers that assist businesses with the handling of  customer issues, and set up customer call”queing”  is “progress”  I lament. Any of you agree?

As I continue to write, I am still hearing, every couple of minutes,  “All specialists are still busy assisting other customers.  Your call is very important to us.  Please continue to hold for the next available specialist.”

I don’t know about you, but I really want to know where the “next available specialist” is.  Are they in the bathroom, in the boardroom, at a meeting, checking their e-mail, twittering, doing their nails, or doing….whatever.  Where are they?

My imaginative right-sided brain is running amuk now.  If they only knew all of the scenarios I have created in the last…let’s see here…50 minutes, 45 seconds…stories I have created about what they are doing to assist other customers…oh my!!!

Anybody else want to have a little fun?  Let’s create the scenario as if the Specialist or Agent could actually tell you what they were doing:

  “This is Specialist 1106415927.  I am currently assisting another customer who cannot find their car keys, which they tell me they need in order to drive to this office to ask me why they have been unable to reach someone to resolve their problem.  However, until they are able to tell me exactly where they left their car keys so that I can assist them in finding them, I cannot come to the telephone to assist you with whatever problem it is that you may have.  There are no other Specialists here, as we have not yet received our Government Bailout Dollars, so all other Specialists bailed out.  Actually…by now…you may have figured out…that I have bailed out also.

And, all you will ever receive at this phone number is an ongoing, endless message loop that says: All specialists are still busy assisting other customers.  Your call is very important to us.  Please continue to hold for the next available specialist.”

This scenario is only one of many that were running around in my head.  If nothing else, the waiting experience created by all those “agents assisting other customers” has given me an opportunity to exercise my imagination…wondering…wondering…wondering…what on earth all the agents (who…according to the recording… want me to believe my call is really important to them)  are doing. 

It is now 1 hour 5 minutes, 36 seconds since I placed this call.  I’m really not sure if I can afford to wait any longer for the specialist who really wants to assist me.  I wonder if I can send a bill for the long distance charge to the government agency I’m waiting for…or if they’ll send it back with a promissory note for payment…pending Bailout.

I could…leave a message. 

But I’d have to bite my tongue. 

I’d be way too tempted to tell the “specialist” what I thought they were doing while I was waiting for them to take my very important call.  Or…tell them what I think they should do to themselves…while I am waiting… … …

Any suggestions???

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *